A Blog About Blogging: Part I
August 1, 2017
A bit over two years ago I set up a web site for my professional work as educator, composer, pianist, organist, and general dabbler in anything creative, time-consuming, or of little interest to the general public. When I set up the site I noted the host’s blogging feature. I remember thinking, “Yah, like I’m going to use that.” As you can imagine, throngs of people have visited my site to peruse its tidy little links and categories, and to marvel at the anonymity and mediocrity of a career saturated with other individuals equally insignificant, based on the general public’s view of arts and education practitioners. The blog portion of the web site was so unpopular, that I’ve pulled the content off and am transporting it to this blog site, where I expect it will explode in popularity. I realized years ago that my creative work and general putzing in the form of compositions, recordings, original art, poetry, photography manipulations, and fractals would not sell. They’re simply NOT for public consumption. So here’s my plan: I could actually use this blog, and its likelihood for limited traffic, and who would know or care? I fully intend to plaster links to the blog all over social media to instill guilt in all my friends, relatives, and colleagues when they choose not read it. All of this makes no sense, of course. But before you proceed, I must reassure you that I have the credentials and background to garner your respect and trust as a new blogger (see Figure 4 ½ below). The caption below outlines some noteworthy qualifications and experiences I bring to the table.
I should also mention here that I’ve researched blogging extensively, so you can rest assured that I know what I’m doing. For example, in preparation for this particular blog I read a portion of two blogs by unknown and uninteresting bloggers, I looked up the definition of blog in the dictionary app on my phone, and I discussed blogging with the neighbor lady, who doesn’t own a computer, but she does get the Sunday paper. Finally, to insure viability of the blog I’m now writing, I vetted it through a number of outlets to make sure it met the rigorous standards for internet blogging: the barista at a local coffee shop I went to once, a college football player who passed Freshmen English, and a few neighborhood kids who displayed a general disinterest in reading, but kindly took a break from vandalizing a neighbor’s home to chat with me.
Like many of you, I suspect, we see a blog post or feed and do one of three things: 1) immediately disregard it, 2) clink on the link, read the first few lines, find it lacking in interest, and then close the link, 3) read most or all of the entire blog and then wish we had that time back. It’s quite possible that by now you’ve already done number 2 above. Anyhow, in keeping with your expectation for an author to state a thesis to guide the reader, I’m going to put forth this weak and uninteresting focal point now: THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT BLOGGING. Note the subtle relationship to the title of this particular blog. This thesis should have been in the first paragraph, where you would expect it, but you were too caught up in the verbose background information and too irritated by what was or wasn’t happening in this article to notice. I should also state here that if I were grading the material you’ve read thus far (which is my inclination as an educator), I would have already taken off significant points for a tepid and ineffective thesis, for an apparent attempt to confuse the reader, and for a myriad of other syntax and structural issues. Moving forward, however, I fully intend to support, evade, and trivialize the thesis through contrived but reliable data, cohesive contradictions, linear illogical arguments, and unnecessary and highly-crafted rambling. I may, at some point, also set a record for the most commas in a sentence (see previous sentence).
Picture of the writer of this alleged blog, inserted for three reasons: 1) To gain the trust of the readership. Clearly, if this fellow can be this contemplative and reflective about pastry, he is certainly to be trusted as a writer on much more serious matters. 2) The writer just discovered how to use the photo insertion feature of Word Press and wants to display his technological savvy, further gaining the trust of his audience. 3) Always use visuals to engage your audience. Everyone knows that.
It’s All About Perspective
Many blogs tout some sort of amazing revelatory insight or perspective. Some people have a gift for this. These are the people that “have the floor” at the bar or at family gatherings, or speak at high school commencements. We’re all in awe of this rare breed that can spontaneously belch out pithy nuggets of random synthesized information. Either that or we want them to go away. Anyhow, it’s probably best for everyone if I don’t share my thoughts on most matters. I tend to be highly guarded when it comes to my perspective on most matters, and it takes me forever to formulate opinions. I’m also uncomfortable with bringing attention to myself, evidenced by the rare use of first person in this tome or the periodic peppering of the document with pictures of myself. I’d rather consider you an educated and skeptical audience, able to formulate your own opinions and ideas without someone telling you how to think. And you thought I was a pessimist. I’m not in the business of offending readership through snide remarks, cynicism, scathing sarcasm, and general rudeness, so you can rest assured as you progress through this rivetingly facetious document that you’ll be spared that. I certainly don’t want to initiate a kerfuffle with the readership, since you’ve taken time out of your busy schedule to peruse this bit of nonsense. Nor do I intend to sway readers or public opinion, but I’m suggesting here – and you must necessarily agree with me on this point – that I’m always right, and whatever you encounter in this document is informed, unbiased, and completely infallable (note the misspelling of “infallible).
Such Interesting Lives
Many people out there live lives with rich and diverse experiences and they have gripping stories to tell through their blogs. I’m always thrilled to hear about your Extraordinary Trip to the Grocery Store, the Time You Tripped Over Your Dog and Spilled Your Coffee, your Advice on How Eating Only White Foods Makes Your Colon Happy, Eight Multisyllabic Words To Live By, or how your Trip to Waurika, Oklahoma, To Go Noodling Forever Changed Your Outlook on Life. These blogged tales are rife with intrigue and border on the epic. I just can’t compete with that stuff. You really don’t want to hear about what goes on with me. I thrive on the mundane, the vanilla, the invisible, the lukewarm, the Chicago Cubs. Any attempts I might make toward creating drama and intrigue would be contrived, and the below average reader would just see right through that.
Figure 3a.II – “Damaged Finger”: An example of the high drama and intrigue in the life of the author.
Stay tuned for Part II in the series A Blog About Blogging. In Part II we really start to get deep into the subject.